Last week, Sakthi and I went on a trip to Shimoga with our little one. Somewhere on the way to Bhadrawathi town, we drove past a funeral procession on the road. A very modest crowd of about 30 people, lead in the centre by a woman decked in finery, a huge marigold garland weighing down her neck, face smeared with vermillion and kumkum and a bunch of flowers in her hair. The sun was beating down mercilessly on her face and yet, in that harsh glare, one couldn't miss that she was weeping. Must be related to the person being carried on his last journey.
I pointed it out to Sakthi. I told him that I wanted no such fuss when I am gone. I just wanted all harvest-able organs donated and the rest of the body sent for cadaver research. He grimly replied with an "Yes." He knows about my views on this. I made a pledge to donate my organs when I first got my driver's license in the US in early 2000. And, when I made my will and its versions, I always included a clause about this so when the time comes a calling, there is no misunderstanding as to what needs to be done. He is a signatory to my will, so he has always known.
Sakthi doesn't have a will penned down. I have been pushing him to make one for about 4-5 years now with no success. He feels no need for it because according to the existing Hindu law, whatever material assets he has will be divided in 3 equal shares for his parents, me and his child. He is also lazy (I say so!) or busy (he says so!) to formalize this. I have given him my will, so he just needs to change names but he won't. After nagging (as is my wont), I finally gave up.
This was a good time to have this conversation or so I thought. So, I asked him, what do you want when this happens to you? He just shrugged and said, "Well, I will be dead and gone, so what does it matter?" I am not one to give up easily, so I persisted. "No, you know about my wish, I need to know yours." Then, he said, "So, I don't want all this religious rituals and stuff either. Just donate my organs too." Phew! Now, that was quite some progress after all these years. Next up, I asked him if he wouldn't mind writing this down so I don't have any fights with his family (if they want differently) over his dead body. Sakthi just clammed up and said rather irritatedly, "Will you stop?" I couldn't. I said, "But, I don't mean anything bad. Documenting this with solve a lot of hassles in the future." At which point, Sakthi just got angry and asked me not to talk about this again coz he had by then started imagining the scenario and obviously it was not pleasant or worth it.
Understandable but isn't death an eventuality that none of us can escape from? One doesn't need to waste the wonders of a living moment in fear of something that will definitely happen but to not even spare a thought for it? There is a saying in Tamizh, "Neruppuna vaai vendhudumaa? By uttering the word fire, will you burn your mouth?" Why this fear? Why not see that as the final milestone and be prepared for it? And prepare your loved ones also for it?
Why not give the ultimate parting gift to somebody who needs it most? Eyes that can shine light into one among the millions in India waiting for a corneal transplant. Heart and lungs that can breathe life into some poor soul? Kidney, liver, intestine, tissue - there is so much to give and so few do. One doesn't have to be dead to donate some of these but as Sakthi said, "when you are dead and gone, what do these matter?" So, why not give away?
Read up more on organ transplantation here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organ_transplantation
To register for organ donation, go to http://www.mohanfoundation.org/ or http://donatelifeindia.org/register-your-decision/
To read more, go to http://www.transplantindia.com/ and http://www.dnaindia.com/health/report-govt-launches-online-registration-to-boost-organ-donation-in-india-1660390 and http://www.organindia.org/
Foremost though, is having a conversation with your family and loved ones. I just made a start. The discussion needs to continue till the fear is no more and only a firm, fruitful decision is made. How about you all?
P.S. With this blog post, I have also made public Sakthi's wish. Now, I only need him to acknowledge this. Sly me. :-)
I pointed it out to Sakthi. I told him that I wanted no such fuss when I am gone. I just wanted all harvest-able organs donated and the rest of the body sent for cadaver research. He grimly replied with an "Yes." He knows about my views on this. I made a pledge to donate my organs when I first got my driver's license in the US in early 2000. And, when I made my will and its versions, I always included a clause about this so when the time comes a calling, there is no misunderstanding as to what needs to be done. He is a signatory to my will, so he has always known.
Sakthi doesn't have a will penned down. I have been pushing him to make one for about 4-5 years now with no success. He feels no need for it because according to the existing Hindu law, whatever material assets he has will be divided in 3 equal shares for his parents, me and his child. He is also lazy (I say so!) or busy (he says so!) to formalize this. I have given him my will, so he just needs to change names but he won't. After nagging (as is my wont), I finally gave up.
This was a good time to have this conversation or so I thought. So, I asked him, what do you want when this happens to you? He just shrugged and said, "Well, I will be dead and gone, so what does it matter?" I am not one to give up easily, so I persisted. "No, you know about my wish, I need to know yours." Then, he said, "So, I don't want all this religious rituals and stuff either. Just donate my organs too." Phew! Now, that was quite some progress after all these years. Next up, I asked him if he wouldn't mind writing this down so I don't have any fights with his family (if they want differently) over his dead body. Sakthi just clammed up and said rather irritatedly, "Will you stop?" I couldn't. I said, "But, I don't mean anything bad. Documenting this with solve a lot of hassles in the future." At which point, Sakthi just got angry and asked me not to talk about this again coz he had by then started imagining the scenario and obviously it was not pleasant or worth it.
Understandable but isn't death an eventuality that none of us can escape from? One doesn't need to waste the wonders of a living moment in fear of something that will definitely happen but to not even spare a thought for it? There is a saying in Tamizh, "Neruppuna vaai vendhudumaa? By uttering the word fire, will you burn your mouth?" Why this fear? Why not see that as the final milestone and be prepared for it? And prepare your loved ones also for it?
Why not give the ultimate parting gift to somebody who needs it most? Eyes that can shine light into one among the millions in India waiting for a corneal transplant. Heart and lungs that can breathe life into some poor soul? Kidney, liver, intestine, tissue - there is so much to give and so few do. One doesn't have to be dead to donate some of these but as Sakthi said, "when you are dead and gone, what do these matter?" So, why not give away?
Read up more on organ transplantation here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organ_transplantation
To register for organ donation, go to http://www.mohanfoundation.org/ or http://donatelifeindia.org/register-your-decision/
To read more, go to http://www.transplantindia.com/ and http://www.dnaindia.com/health/report-govt-launches-online-registration-to-boost-organ-donation-in-india-1660390 and http://www.organindia.org/
Foremost though, is having a conversation with your family and loved ones. I just made a start. The discussion needs to continue till the fear is no more and only a firm, fruitful decision is made. How about you all?
P.S. With this blog post, I have also made public Sakthi's wish. Now, I only need him to acknowledge this. Sly me. :-)
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